Weaping Wednesday

Its raining! I love the rain, but I don't like cold rain. I'd rather have snow.

As a morning ritual when Bret leaves for work or school, McKinley gets to come lay in bed with me. I love the time that we spend together just laying there. Sometimes we sleep, other times we play pee-a-boo and other times we sing. This morning she was very happy just to be in mom and dad's bed. She laid there and talked to the shelf that hangs above our bed and laughed, I dont know what she was laughing at, but it made me smile. Then because she hadnt had her usual morning kiss from mom, she made her way over to me... climbed up my face, took out her binkie and leaned in, slobber face and all, then kissed my check. (not a real kiss, but her version of what a kiss is) It made my day! It made me realize the bond that I have with her. The feeling of connection and the unconditional love I have for her.
In the beginning when I was trying to breastfeed, I wanted so badly the 'bond' that mothers say that they had with their children because they breastfed. After 6 weeks of trying and honestly trying, I quit. Some might say I didn't try because if I had really tried, I would have had my milk supply increase, others might just say I gave up, some might call it stress, but doesn't every new mom experience stress? Your whole world changes and every new mom goes through stress. And some might say that I will never be able to bond with McKinley the same way because I didn't breastfeed. To all of those people who think that way, they have no idea what it is like to have a starving baby. And until you go through that and know exactly what it feels like to not be able to supply your baby with the one thing that mothers are 'supposed' to already have, judgment is not yours to place.
No one can tell me that I have not bonded with Mckinley because I did not breastfeed her. I play with her, I stay home with her, I change her, I bathe her, I take care of her when she cries, I feed her and hold her when she eats. I give her everything in the world that she could ever possibly need. She is healthy, still little for her age, but that is normal because of the rough start she had. I love my child more than anything. And the bond that I have with her has nothing to do with breastfeeding. There are other things that make a good mom and that help mothers bond with their children other than breastfeeding alone. Being a positive influence, ALWAYS uplifting them, being a safe haven to all of the bad things that happen, opening your arms to your children on a daily basis and telling them that you love them, opening your home to them and their friends so that they feel welcome and loved, being there when they need a shoulder to cry on or to give them a kiss on the knee when fall, and picking them back up and telling them to try again, because there is nothing in this world that they are unable to accomplish. That is what creates a bond with your children, an everlasting bond.
I was lucky enough to have a mother who has all of these qualities. Was I breastfed, yes, but does that have anything to do with the love and connection I have with my mom, no.